Tring.. Tring.. I didn't move
an inch. Tring..Tring.. I woke up from fresh
sleep and realized it was the door bell. I lighted my mobile to see the time.
It was 10pm, I went to the living room to open the door to find it was a post
man with a chit like thing in his hand ready to hand over it to me. ‘It’s a
telegram sir’ he said. I was surprised to hear it, I used to think telegrams
are extinct. I grabbed it from him and it read ‘Father serious, open heart
surgery in 2 days, start soon’. Jesus Christ! but why a telegram, they could
have called me on my mobile. I signed the postman’s acknowledgement and rushed
to my bed room to call home. My home is in a small village where there are no
mobile networks still. There are only few land-lines of which my home
is lucky to have one.
I called the landline many times, but
no one was picking up. I thought everyone might be at hospital. I searched in
Google for phone numbers of hospitals at my village and another Google window
to book the cheapest flight available to Bangalore. (My village is just 2 hours
drive from Bangalore). I quickly dropped a mail to my manager about the news
and about my absence for few days. I also mentioned the fact about the poor
signal at my village and that I’ll not be contactable (this line will drive him
crazy for sure).
I tried many times calling my home, few
hospitals while packing and while on the way. I was getting more and more
worried with each unattended call !! I reached my home by 7 in the morning.
People are surprised to see me. My uncle, aunt and my mom; they don’t look so
depressed. It was hard to read them. I asked my mom slowly ‘is everything all
right?’ She replied ‘How come you arrived so early? Beta I am so sorry. We lied
to you. Actually your father is not ill.’ I was confused and tried to recollect
the date. No it was not April 1st. ‘Then what was that telegram for?’ I added
in an angry and frustrated tone. My mom showed me the way to my dad’s room and
left for kitchen. I can see he was all fine and he just finished his coffee and
paper.
I repeated the same questions to my dad.
He smiled to me and said ‘we got a marriage proposal for you, it is really from
a good family and more over the girl is the only child they have. We cannot
afford miss it.’ I was spell bound, they are nuts!! Then I realized why they
were not taking my call. Wow, they are genius, they could not act telling a lie
on phone and that’s why a telegram. Old tactics!! ‘Dad you can’t do this to me.
This is crazzzy! Can you at least imagine how much work is there on my head at
office?’ I said getting the picture of my ugly manager on mind. ‘Go and fresh
up, you need rest’ he added, gently running his palm on my head. I know they
don’t talk much until I get cooled down. I had my shower and straight away went
to bed closing the bed room door behind me.
I woke up in the evening, had my
lunch+supper and my mom was ready with tea and gossips. She told all about her
colleagues (she is a house wife and no women is employed there). So is the girl
I am gonna see next day !! My mom started pestering me ‘Don’t you think you are
getting late for marriage? It is our duty to get you married. If you wait for
few more years no one will give you a girl ;-) ‘ (That's the biggest
joke she can crack on me!! Actually she doesn't want to hurt
me cracking menacing jokes :-) )
”ha ha ha ha .. big joke! .. now listen
I am a big boy now, I really don’t need you to guide me still. When are your
duties towards me gonna end ? You know what? These days dogs are also getting
married, why not me? First of all I need to settle in my career. I have to get
married one day, it’s inevitable, even God cannot save me from happening that.”
I replied innocently, hoping the next day’s program would get cancelled.
Without uttering a word she left the place giving a hard knock with her
knuckles on my skull. It hurts, she is all bones !! I thought during these
recession times, arranged marriage is not a bad idea as it comes handy with lot
of dowry.
Water sprinkled and then splashed on my
face. I was waken up forcibly at 8 the next morning, and was pushed into bath
room, but there was no breakfast on table!! My mom whispered ”have it as much
as you want in the girl’s home!! ” Ah, two birds for one stone, practical
example! Recession has crept here also! My managers can learn a lot from her
about cost cuttings. “Oops I wasted water and soap taking bath in our
home ;-) ” I replied sarcastically.
They gave us a warm welcome as we
entered their house. The girl’s mom walked in and served us with coffee. After
half an hour of gossips, (I should call it a battle ground instead, as my mom
was boasting about me and the girl’s mom was boasting about her daughter) the
food arrived and the girl’s mom heaped up our plates. The more I denied, the
more I was served, I tried the other way round also asking for more, but in vain.
After few minutes, they asked the girl
to come and she arrived for a fashion parade. I waited till she took her seat
to see her (Can you believe, for most of the married couples in olden days,
this used to be the love at first sight amidst their parents, somehow it didn’t
happen to me!). She was a beautiful tall woman. She stood 5’ 6” or 5’ 7”.
She looked gorgeous in a white, green bordered sari worn in a typical
Andhra style and was heavily adorned with gold (I can establish
2 jewelry shops with them in future ;-) ). She has got a
shy smile with couple of wrinkles on her cheek. Her thick black hair was
flooded with flowers like a bouquet. Her hands were almost covered
with mehandi and bangles, concealing the only part where I can get the view of
actual complexion of her skin, as the face looked artificial with lots of make
up!! She started greeting ‘Namaste’ first to my dad, then to my mom and when it
comes to me she gave a big smile. She must have got enough guidance or at least
had enough experience on how to treat the guy and his parents. I came to know
that this was her 6th such encounter and it was she who denied all the previous
5 cases!! What an embarrassing moment will it be for me if she denies me before
I do?
There was a panel of judges to take my
interview. My “may be in laws”, “my may be wife”, her brother and few other
guests from their side were ready to shoot questions at me. First one came from
her mom asking ‘you liked the coffee?’ I just nodded, perhaps it must be
prepared by the girl, it wasn’t bad. Next her dad comes up ‘Where are you
working at?’ I can read the next hesitating question on his mind about the
salary. I waited a while anticipating for that question. Then I replied ‘TCS, I
work as a s/w engineer’. Most of their faces looked confused, before I added ‘It’s
a Tata Company’. They felt much relieved when they heard I work in some company
which they are aware of!!
“What kind of work do you have in
office other than signing papers?” the girl’s mom came up with her 2nd
question. Signing the papers? When did I tell this? This must be my mom’s
exaggeration. “And how many people work under you?” she added to the question.
Typical question but I have to answer it with wit. Burping in between I gently
replied ‘I work on a computer hitting the keys for most of the time and no one
is above or below in a s/w industry. It’s all about team effort more than an
individual’s play’.
“Ah computers?” She instantly replied
“If you don’t mind could you please do something to make our computer work
which my son bought just 4 months back?” she asked me very pleasingly. I didn’t
want to take any risk. I had to gently deny it patiently explaining that my job
in office is more related to s/w than hardware of computers. I can read
questions on their face as their eyebrows frowned, doubting my capability and
knowledge on computers!!
Abruptly interrupting the conversation
the girl said “I wanna speak to him in person if there is no objection (that is
what I wanted to ask after some time to tell her all about how it happened!)”.
No one said anything, smiles everywhere! I followed her into a room in the back
yard. It was much pleasant there except for the bangles and anklets sound when
she moved her limbs. I was totally dumbstruck; I couldn’t find a single topic
in the whole world to start with! Well she had many though. She was staring at
my lips for a while, I was not feeling comfortable and I realized how girls
must have felt when I stare at them ;-) . “Do you smoke?” She asked me.
My goodness girls are girls; that’s the reason why she was noticing my lips!!
My interrogation already started! What if I actually marry her? I said ‘no’.
“Don’t lie, I have seen you smoking when you were in school itself!” she added
with firm proof. Feeling nostalgic I replied fumingly “what!!? so you know me
much before since I was in school. Now listen, I tried smoking some 10 times
till now. But I am not a smoker. I don’t like smoking because I have smoke
allergy!! (and not because it is injurious to
health ;-) ) I have no reason to lie you because.. ” I was stuck
here, I swallowed the second half of the sentence. What the hell I was saying.
I should have lied na, I have no intention marrying her! Hell, I lost a golden
opportunity.
So what I can create opportunities.
“Okie I can read your next question on mind. Yes, I drink a lot, almost every
day. I end up all my salary and one day I came to my room with the bill and bar
owner behind me. I asked my roommate to pay it. When denied I bet him
mercilessly. And one day I even tried to snatch his gold chain!! ” I added all
masala possible enacting and imitating Bollywood villains. She was open mouthed
for a while, her next and probably the final question came in a meek
intimidated tone “Do you have a girl friend? Don’t misunderstand me but I heard
almost all girls in Bombay have boyfriends”. This is the most expected question
and I had a premeditated reply. So I replied without any second thought “What
do you mean? I’ll show you thousands who doesn’t have a boy friend or a girl
friend in Bombay. I don’t have a girl friend; I
have two instead ;-) . I am being so frank because its better if I
tell bad about me than you hear it from someone outside”. Oh my God I was so
professional in lying; even a lie detector machine will have to
fail ;-) I felt like patting my shoulders. I gave her every reason to
hate me and cancel the proposal :-)
I left for Bombay hoping everything
would happen as I planned. Two days later I got a call from my dad saying “they
were happy with you and the girl also quoted that you are very truthful and
that she is ok with you” I was so depressed and helpless as I felt my last
turning point of life is just before me when he added “..almost everyone was ok
with the girl, I am not sure why your mom didn’t like the girl and cancelled it
without telling a reason”. ‘Yes!’, I hanged the phone down and jumped on my cot
overjoyed, my head almost touching the ceiling fan.
Now you must be wondering what could be
the mystery behind her denial :-) While returning from home I tricked
my mother saying “Mom, I want to marry someone who is more beautiful than
you ;-) ” Which she or any other woman can never find ;-) New
tactics!! .. haha
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